Is it possible for someone that you never met to have such an impact on your life. I suppose like God, people are drawn to the unknown. They pursue something that they have never seen or met. Something so empty or mysterious can have such a gravitational pull on us all.
Even though I was just 18 months old I can remember and visualize her face when she left me alone. I would think about her all the time, in fact I would never stop.
When my grandfather said abusive hurtful things to me I would think about my mother. I thought that he couldn’t hurt me.
Whenever the teacher caned me I would think about my mother.
When those nasty evil boys were dragging me through the bushes I would think about my mother and scream for her. I would imagine that she would fly down and take me away with her to safety.
I would think about her constantly. Never a sunrise or sunset where I did not think of her. I am lucky that I did finally get to meet my mother. I think that the longing for my mother was so great that it if I hadn’t found her I would have become mentally ill and unstable. My life would not have been the same and I would not have been able to cope if I never met her.
I would love visiting my mother. I would get my husband Bob to drive around her house for what seemed like 1000 times before knocking on her door. It was never me that knocked it was always Bob who would actually knock . I know that I was afraid of rejection and did not want to have her leave me again.
She was always pleased to see us and she really liked Bob. We would arrive on a Saturday and we would then stay the night but she would make sure that I would leave on Sunday afternoon. She would make us tea and a meal and even take us shopping. I always felt so proud and I would think to myself “Is this for real and am I really with my mother”.
I kept thinking that I would wake up and find myself in St. Helena back in deadwood wondering where my mum was.