A lot of people ask me why I write so much. I write not only because it is a form of therapy, but also to share with the world all of the happy times in my life.
Everything that I write about I have personally experienced and lived through. I have been through so much. My mother left me at just 18 months old. Even to this day that still has an impact on my soul. I watch today as children cry when there mother just simply walks out of the room, could you imagine what would have happened to me.
My grandfather took painstaking care to make my life full of misery. He consistently abused me on a daily basis. Not only was it physical abuse, but I even had to endure and suffer mental abuse.
To add to the chaos I was raped and abused by teenage boys. They would hold me down and have their way with me. I was so young, and confused I was absolutely petrified. I really truly believed and thought I would die. I probably came close several times, as they would hold their hands over my mouth, probably to hide the screams, I couldn’t breath.
Eventually, there was a glimmer of hope the raping stopped when I moved in with salvation army. But my grandmother had died, and yet again I was left alone without any type of maternal care. Two years later after I had moved I had to leave the Salvation Army house. They were the nicest people and life was great. It only lasted for a short time though as they were posted to Cape town.
I had to be taken in by foster parents. They were the foster parents from hell and pure evil. My new foster father sexually abused me for almost 4 years. Not only did I endure the abuse from him, my foster mother emotionally abused me. At that time I just wanted to die .
I was so happy when my evil foster father dropped dead dead right in front of me. I said to myself thank you god that he has died, he really was a very nasty man.
After that, I was living with a much older man. I had to live with him just to have a roof over my head. I am very ashamed to say that I did end up sleeping with him. I am so ashame to say that one day I came home earley and found him raping his disabled sister.
I later found out that he had made me pregnant and I wanted to die. I did not tell anyone that I was pregnant. Three weeks before the baby wes born my foster mother found out and I gave birth to a very tiny healthy baby girl. My foster mother took over the baby and the babies father would not leave me alone. I really didn’t want a man in my life that had been raping his sister. Even though I cut him out of my life he kept stalking me. I did eventually manage to get away from him.
I had fallen head over heels in love with a neighbour, however I don’t think that he was as keen on me, but he was a nice kind caring person.
A few months later I met my husband Robert. We were married in a little babtist church. Bob and I have been married for 36 years and I am very happy now. Bob took my oldest daughter in and treated her as his own. We had another baby and I thank god for my new life. I did eventually get to meet my mother. It was so good to meet her and all my dreams were coming through at last.
I am happy now but I still have awful triggers. At times I do need help and emotional support.
I am awaiting to see a doctor. So once again I will say thank you to god.