To me the colour blue is ever so interesting. To me now it means peace and beauty. When you close your eyes and look out over the ocean, you can see blue for miles and miles. It is such an amazing feeling.
Perhaps that is the hidden message that I found in my mind when I dream about bluebottles. Bluebottles are the lord of the flies. They are large, silvery blue and lay millions upon millions of eggs that turn into maggots. Most people would find them absolutely gut wrenching, let alone wanting them to crawl all over their bodies. But for me, it represented freedom. It meant freedom from those horrible men that raped me.
Those blue bottles were like the chain link armour that knights would wear. I was protected and felt like nothing could harm me. This dream continues on even to this day.
I wrote this poem about bluebottles crawling all over my body when I was a pupil at Hartford school. I was around 13 years old at the time and it was the start of me writing to try to free myself from the turmoil around me.
Bluebottles are quite horrible really but I would rather have bluebottles crawl on my body then those awful young men molesting me. Sometimes I would dream that I was covered in blue bottles. They were my friends and they would shield my body from those awful rapists.
When my teacher Miss George read my poem that I had written she said that it was a very strange for a young girl to write about blow flies. She even asked me if I knew where bluebottles live.
I replied “Yes Mam, I know where they live, but it’s how my life is at the moment.”
Miss George said “That it was a very strange poem, but you are a very strange girl Dorothy as she walked over to her piano to play a tune.”
How I wish I could have told her everything.
How I wish the bluebottles would carry me away.
Blue Bottles
I dream that I am lying face down on the cold hard ground,
My naked body is covered in blue bottles,
One million blue bottles crawl on my body.
I’m not dead, but, I am broken child,
I’m okay for a while,
Because one million bluebottles are shielding me from those evil young men,
They don’t care that I’m just ten.
Today they can see me covered in bluebottles,
I can hear the bluebottles buzzing in my ears,
I can feel my tears.
The bluebottles are crawling all over my body,
But from those young men I’m free,
I would rather have one million bluebottles crawling all over me.
Only I know what they do to me,
My screams are silent,
It’s beyond abuse what they do to me,
They torture me.
I wish that I was free,
I do hate what they do to me,
I wish that the Angels would carry me away,
To a place where children can run free.
I so hate what they do to me,
Only in death I will be free.
But today I am okay,
Because, one million bluebottles are shielding me.
Dorothy Maude Age: 13 ½ Years