When I was small every thing seem big ,
So very big.
Each day when I went out to play,
I saw the Atlantic ocean,
It is so big, so very big.
But I am so small.
The Atlantic ocean stretches for miles and miles,
Some days there were tears and some days smiles.
The Atlantic ocean is so very vital,
the ships make trips,
And we get fish.
It is so big, but I am so small.
I live with my grandparents,
I call them mumma and poppa.
Both mumma and poppa are big,
They tell me what to do.
‘Show respect child! Show respect! don’t answer back !’
Mumma said to smile at the social worker,
Don’t let him see that we are sad,
Don’t tell the social worker that poppa is bad.
‘Show respect child! Show respect! don’t answer back !’
And muma would say, “Smile child smile.”
Life was unbearable when I was small,
I wished that I had a mum and dad,
I wished that life wasn’t bad,
I so wish that muma wasn’t sad.
When I was small everyone seemed so big.
The doctor, the teacher, the police the preacher,
were all big.
‘Show respect child! Show respect! don’t answer back !’
When I was small I was confused,
All I knew was much abuse.
Poppa was despicable, his anger is huge,
But I was so small.
‘Show respect child! Show respect! don’t answer back !’
I wished that my teacher didn’t cane me,
My teacher is far too stern,
I am too unhappy to learn.
She is big, I am small.
I wished that our house had laughter,
I prayed that those young men wouldn’t hurt me,
They pulled me onto the ground and tortured me.
I am beyond frightened,
I feel their hands tighten,
Over my mouth…..
My screams are always silent,
‘Show respect child! Show respect! don’t answer back !’
I am on my own, the young men are fully grown,
They are violent my screams are silent,
They don’t care about me at all,
They are big ,
But I am so small.
Sex offenders weren’t called paedophiles,
when I was small,
They were men without decorum,
Suffer little children.
We are so small.
‘Show respect child! Show respect! don’t answer back !’
No one knows,
What they do to me.
I don’t want to grow up,
I want to stay small, so that no one can see me,
Then they can’t hurt me.
When I was small, I did get consistency,
I got used to folks abusing me.
Detached from my mother,
The sheer emotion of seperation,
The sheer frustration,
Makes me sad.
‘Show respect child! Show respect! don’t answer back !’
I would misbehave,
Folks would say that I am bad.
Children aren’t bad,
Some grown ups are bad.
‘Show respect child! Show respect! don’t answer back !’
I would not want to turn back time,
When I was small life was bleak,
I smiled and I laughed,
My heart cries.
My pain is big.
But I am small.
It’s christmas day today, poppa didn’t say,
“Go away bastard child!”,
He calls me a bastard child everyday.
But not today, poppa loves christmas,
I so wish that poppa loved me.
Passing down stories from the old to the young,
Playing country music all night,
Pumpkin fritters, fried mackerel, fish cakes and tomatoe paste sandwiches,
Memories that I treasure deep, I love to keep,
Sometimes I weep.
‘Show respect child! Show respect! don’t answer back !’
Help me god I was born a girl.
Growing up in isolation, sometimes we did have a celebration,
We were a suppressed generation.
‘Show respect child! Show respect! don’t answer back !’
I wish I didn’t listen to mother.
Then everyone would know,
The truth.
I will never forget where I was raised,
I spent my young days,
On the most isolated place on earth ,
The place of my birth ,
The island of St. Helena.
Dorothy Maude.
Age 13 years Old