At church this morning a small girl around four to five years old stopped me in my tracks. Young children always make me feel sad. I always think about my young life and can’t believe the amount of abuse that was dished out to me when I was so young.
Children don’t develop or grow when abuse is as great as the abuse that I was dealt with. The psychologist said that I should tap my leg when I have a trigger. I did tap my leg and I was able to move away from the trigger. I thank God that I was able to move away.
When I look at children under two years old I think about my mother leaving me and how troubling it would have been for me.
When I look at children of five years old they also upset me. I started school at five years old. My auntie walked with me until came to her school. I walked the remaining distance with an older boy and his sister. I wanted my grandmother to take me to school but poppa had punched her in the eye, and her eye was very bruised and swollen. Because of him, I had to walk to my first day of school on my own.
I really want to move on from the triggers that I have. I will feel better.
I want to feel better.