Growing up without a mother was very difficult but at least I had my beloved grandmother. She was always telling me how much she loved me. It always made me feel special and good about myself. I always felt insecure so I would hold on to her dress as if my life depended on it. I remember we were walking near her house one day when she slipped and fell over and I was overcome by this terrible fear that she was going to die. I started to scream mumma don’t die! I was around eight at the time and I was so relieved when she opened her eyes and she calmly said that she wasn’t going to die. I always had this terrible fear that she would die and there wouldn’t be anyone to look after me.
My grandmother never ever hit me when I was very small. But when I was between 13 and 14 my behaviour wasn’t very good and most people thought that I needed a beating. Back then a beating was thought to make children behave better. I remember my mild mannered grandmother trying to hit me with a piece of stick and I grabed the stick out of her hand and broke it in half, thew the stick on the ground and ran off. It just didn’t feel right that she was about to beat me and I was suffering enough and really couldn’t take any more. I was already being caned at school and my mum had stopped writting letters to me.
Not to mention I had to be very careful because many of the young boys would drag young girls into the bushes for sex which was very undignified. With all of these pressures it was no wonder my behaviour wasn’t very good at the time. All of those other issues plus I was turning into a young woman.
I never had any idea that my grandmother had written to my mother in England telling her that I was lazy and was supposed to do several jobs before I went to school such as sweeping the yard, boiling the kettle and tidying the kitchen.
The letters from my grandmother appeared on Facebook on New Years Day. I wasn’t upset as it was an insight into my life. I really had no idea that my mother would be so spiteful as to put these letters on social media. I thought that she can’t hurt me any more then what she had already done throughout my life.
What sort of a heartless mother would behave towards her daughter the way that she had. I already suffered over twenty years of abuse because of her. She even encouraged her younger daughter Taj Stayci Jeanes to taunt me on social media. She made a horrible accusation that I was responsible for my grandmother’s death. She claimed that it was because of my behavior.
My mother’s youngers daughter kept writting on social media that my mother worked hard to send money out to St. Helena for me, but its not just about money, I was her responsibility. When you have children it is your duty to look after them and Tracy was saying it was my fault that my mother had to send money to St. Helena keep me. All of this rant on Facebook only makes me stronger and I will continue to write my stories and share them with the world.