Children are suppose to be resilient.
As a child I was resilient, I hopped and coped,
I giggled and riggled and smile alot,
I wasn’t bothered at all that I lived in a rot.
I Did all the things that children would do
It was all that I knew.
But now that I am an adult ,
Is it my fault,?
That I slip and fall,
I watch myself sliding down the wall.
I’m a heap on the floor ,
I can’t Take any more.
I feel that they are bothering me, smothering me,
it feels like I’m dangling on a rope
I can’t cope, but I hope.
That if I fall someone will catch me,
I don’t want to fall apart
But I have triggers and it feel like a thousand daggers stabbing my heart.
I hate triggers they take me to a place where I don’t want to be.
I am thirteen years old,
And I can see them dragging me, holding me down,
on the dirty filthy ground,
They put their hands over my mouth so that I don’t make a sound.
They stifle my screams,
I see them in my dreams.
These triggers are like termites,
Knawing at my brain unbearable pain,
I wish that these triggers would go ,
they make me feel so very low.
But I have a feeling that these triggers that I have,
Will die when I die.
Freedom.
I wrote this poem in 2012. I was so upset that Havant children services chose to use third party feedback instead of positive feed back from the children’s school. I have no idea why the social worker did this to me, I felt so alone and raw. At the time Lorrian Riggs was our support worker and I have no idea why she would fabricate such a cruel nasty story. She didn’t just say it about me, but also about the other grandparents. She only ever came to one meeting not all of them, and I was at that meeting .
Yes I do believe in karma
Since writing this Lorraine Riggs Ex-Kinship care worker has been promoated to working with vulnerable families. Lorraine Riggs fed fabricated feedback to the family social workers. The social worker wrote the fabricated feedback in the section 37 report.
It devastated me and made me very ill indeed. It triggered off some unpleasant things in my life from when I was a child on St Helena. I didn’t have any parents and suffered alot of abuse through out my childhood and teen age years. It was awful having to live the abuse all over again.
Lorraine Riggs insisted that it was third party feedback however there was absolutely no need for third party feed back to have been used as the social worker could have provided positive feed back from the planning meetings that I had attended. I was so unhappy because Lorraine Riggs had made the whole story up to satisfy her own selfish needs.
The judge said that the social worker was far too critical of me and was not offering enough support. I am feeling better now. I am not so raw but it has taken a long time to heal.
Jasmine Grimshaw a senior social worker told me that I deserve what I got and I kept thinking that I did deserve my mum leaving me at 18 months old.
My grandfather abused me from four years old to when I was 15 years old. My foster father was biting my face for nearly three years and all the other abuse that I had suffered. Did I really deserve it all? did I really deserve gangs of teenage boys dragging me through the bushes? No, I did not deserve any abuse at all. So please Jasmine don’t judge people before you get to know them, your comments about me deserving what I got made me very ill indeed.
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