Today it is my granddaughter Elizabeth’s birthday party. She is having a frozen party and she is five years old. As I watch the five year old gather around singing the frozen song a tear rolls down my face.
I think back to when I wa five years old and how difficult life was for me. Elizabeth, has everything that I could only dream about. She has a loving mother and father. I watched Elizabeth singing the frozen song and it seem to have cheered me up, and I thought I must be happy for such a lovely little girl and then there was the pretty young girl playing Elsa and I though that she has a bright future in front of her.
When I was her age I had nothing but abuse. I had a foster father who would bite my face and hit me. I also had a much older so call boyfriend who would stalk me. Life was hell when I was a teenager.
My children and grandchildren all have good lives. On saturday Hayley and I went shopping for Elizabeth’s party and the boys went swimming. We caught the bus back to Hayling island.
Bob had alread left for work but he had bought me twelve beautiful red roses and a lovely Valentines Day card, which made me very happy indeed.
It is half term so decided to have a chill out day just sitting around chatting, playing games, eating and drinking. We watched Dr. Who in the evening before collapsing into bed.
On tuesday we went to the New Forest and we really did have a lovely time. It was thanks to my kind friend Sue. Bob went to Kent and he had a good day also.
On Wednesday we went to Havant then on to the Queen Elizabeth Park. The boys really did enjoy their day out. They were asleep as soon as they went to bed.
On Thursday Bob decided to tidy up the garden and to my horror he had thrown my plants away. I made such a fuss and made him put them back I did help him but had a lousy cold and I couldn’t stop coughing which proved quite difficult keeping my legs close while trying to cough, and tidy the garden.
Mind you I haven’t felt well since I had my flu injection it makes you wonder if it is worth having . The skip is almost filled and the garden is looking a lot better. We haven’t heard any news from the solicitor about a moving day yet and I really can’t wait to move. I am sure that our house doesn’t like me anymore.
A new house and new start is just what I need at the moment and I know that I will be happy. On friday I see the psychologist, I am doing fine and I can feel that I am improving and I will feel better I am very positive that things can only get better for me. The psychologist said that she can show me how to deal with unpleasant situations when they arise although she couldn’t take them away. Sometimes my past seems so real it seems like yesterday and I am back on St. Helena and the abuse is so real and fresh in my mind.
I see people and I hear them talking to me. Sometimes it feels like someone is tormenting me and I just feel I will never be free but I know that I must be free to enjoy my life and believe me I really want to move on.
My friend Hayley very kindly gave me a lift to work just as well as I am begining to feel quite unwell. I did the night shift but was relieved to go home in the morning. Hayley gave me a lift home in the morning and I felt ill all day taken so many paracemols I don’t think that it would be wise to have a drink tonight.
The boys had fish and chips while I had a curry. All in all a good week.
Thank god for a good week.
Amen.