My phone hardly ever rings these days, I suppose it is because no one wants a favour from me. I have put people up from St Helena they repaid me by lying and disrespecting me. I see them on fb talking to everyone but me. I don’t care I don’t need them. I have noticed if I happen to have a disagreement with anyone from St Helena they take sides, never mine. A few people have been supportive to me. I was ever so grateful I couldn’t thank them enough. When I first moved to the Isle Of Wight Robert hardly ever rang me even though he knew that I wasn’t well. He rings me frequently asking me to put the house on the market because he wants his half of the dosh. Stop using me for your convenience, yes I know that you want your half of the house but you will need to be patient. It is pointless to be bitter, yes I know I gave that man 37 years of my life, but that’s life. I must move on and not think about the stupid foolish man. People use me only because I let them. I have given money to the family they repaid me in the cruelest possible way by shitting on me from a great height. I have met so many good people so why do I want to think about the nasty ones.? It’s the bad ones who bring you down and the good people who reach out and embrace you when you need them most. I am a very deep person so deep that I get so far inside myself I find it hard to get back out again.I am a great thinker I think about everything. I sometimes think that I might wake up at my house out in Deadwood and I am lying in bed listening to my grandparents arguing over me I can hear my grandmother saying to my grandfather that I am only a child my grandfather would say “yes she is the devil’s child.” I cried myself to sleep every night and prayed that my mum would come and take me away from my violent grandfather. I so love Sundays as I get to wear my beautiful lacy dress that my mum sent me from England.My muma and I go to church on sundays and sometimes she talks to the head teacher from my school . She has never ask her how I was doing at school instead she pays her a compliment on her singing and playing the piano she always says mam to mrs Thomas even though my muma is a lot older than her, she always smiles sweetly at my muma I don’t make any eye contact with the teacher because she has hit me so many times and I know she has her favorite children that she doesn’t hit . I wish that she didn’t hit me. Walking with my cousin Lilly behind my Grandmothers coffin is a very sad day for me I don’t go back to Dead wood I get to live in James town with the Salvation Army I am so happy to be free from my violent grandfather and those awful, horrible rapist. I feel so guilty that I am not sitting around crying for my muma but I m so happy no more hurt and dragging me into the wood. Two years later I am homeless I am living and sleeping with a man just to have a roof over my head. I was totally unaware that he was having an incestuous relationship with his vulnerable sister . I left him but I was pregnant I foolishly concealed my pregnancy. I had a four-pound baby girl. My life couldn’t get any worse but I am not a quitter I am determined not to give up on my dream to find my mother. I an now staying with Evenlyn and Johnny coker I moved in with them when I was was 17 years old. my worse nightmare would be to wake up there in the morning. I can see Johnny Coker standing over me at 5 o’clock in the morning pulling my hair, ripping my clothes off and biting my face, I can still smell his stale breath. The psychiatrist told me to live for the moment, I so want to but the bad people torment me in my dreams. I strongly believe that I have a guardian angel who watches over me and literally destroys anyone who hurts me. I believe in the spirit world that there are good and bad spirits out there. I dreamt about my grandmother recently, I dreamt that I was calling out to her she didn’t come to me so I went to look for her I found her sleeping peacefully she held up her hand to stroke my face her hand was so gentle and comforting just like it was all those years ago.
Dorothy Maude My Life
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My name is Dorothy and I want to share with the world my trial and tribulations from St. Helena to where I now reside in England.My Photos
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