Legs forced wide opened,
By men, I don’t like,
Some I don’t even know,
Some raped me
Some were one-night stands,
Some were casual sex,
I foolishly thought that sex was love,
I didn’t have a choice back then,
Knocked to the ground by laughing men,
Throwing myself at men,
Going from being nothing,
To knowing nothing,
I am not cynical at all,
Life was unbearable for me when I was small,
Cutting my flesh,
Watching my blood trickle on the floor
Asking myself how much more,
I can take before I break
Thinking of those rapists, so long ago,
Historic sex crimes, I hear you say,
For me, it seems like yesterday,
Playing a ten-year-old rape victim on the worlds stage,
Trauma doesn’t age,
I am the child that time forgot,
I am no slut,
I am merely self -harming.
Lorraine Candy’s story on self-harming in the Sunday Times was a very interesting read.
According to Ms. Candy self-harming is becoming an epidemic in our schools. She claims that one in five girls and young woman age 16 -24 have cut, burnt, or poisoned themselves. There was no mention of casual sex, alcohol abuse, gambling, and destructive behavior, the list is endless. It would appear that the experts have failed to get to the bottom of it. I have never cut or burned myself, however, I believe I have self -harmed my body. Without going into too many personal details. People pleasing, saying yes when I really mean no, I was so desperate to be liked I would have done literally anything. My self- harming stems back to not having parents. Yes, I did get sex and loving relations mixed up. Looking back on my life, I wish that I had been more assertive. I didn’t have a mother to protect me from the many pitfalls that I encountered. I was far too young and vulnerable to cope. I know for a fact that sexual abuse is behind most self-harming. A lot of them are sexually abused by middle-class relatives and are too afraid to say so. I personally know three men who were sexually abused by their professional grandfathers and fathers, they didn’t report the abuse they turned to self-harm instead. by Dorothy Maude.