Watching Denise Welch’s video on depression. The 61-year-old said she was having a mild episode of clinic depression, when she decided to make the video. I do experience some of Ms Welches symptoms. I have a tight frighten feeling in my chest. I do become anxious and worry over sad or unjust situations. I know people who have depression so bad they find it difficult to function. A few months ago, someone, I knew told me that he felt so low he didn’t want to live. He had just turned 43 when he committed suicide. A few nights later I listen in horror as Katy Hopkins announced to a tv audience that depression was all in the mind. I was quite taken back to hear Janet Street-Porter say that she sufferers terribly from anxiety, I have always thought she had rhino skin. It just shows you we all have vulnerability at times. I like watching “Loose Woman,” today Ann Diamond spoke about losing her baby 24 years ago. She is still tearful, it was sad to see the poor woman is still grieving. I was raised by my grandmother who didn’t stop grieving for her daughter despite having 8 children. Back then there was no such thing as counselling. She would describe her daughter to me in graphic detail. she said was called to the hospital to see her. She was horrified they had her laid out on a table uncovered, my poor grandmother would say to me she was 13 years old and was turning into the woman, she should have been covered up. I think about those dark days, not only did I endured years of physical, mental and sexual abuse. I was her shoulder to cry on. Her emotional problems impacted on me quite badly, I believe it has led to me being overly sensitive. I cope well with rejection because from a very early age my grandfather would praise and hug my cousins while dishing out abuse at me. I am easily overcome by sadness especially when someone lies or make unkind comments about me or my family. I have the most terrible triggers when I see children around 2 years old because I wonder how I must have felt when my mother left me. I feel almost the same when I see 5-year-olds, I am left wondering how on earth did I cope on my first day at school all on my own. My grandmother never once came to my school. At the end of the year, the school gave us a report on our behaviour and academic achievements. I would read mine and rip it up on the way home. I certainly didn’t want my depressed, grieving grandmother reading something even I deemed shameful. I feel so low when I see children and young girls, it takes me back to when I was their age. The loneliness of not having a family, concealing .a pregnancy was utterly depressing too. I really was in a dark place. I have returned to darkness again, but there will always be a light shining in the gloom of my huge abyss. I ask myself the same question, why do I have so much bad luck.? Is it my fault I meet people who think it is ok to stitch me up.? Is there any hope for me,? I hope I can change life’s quirky circumstances, and what if the situations themselves are fate. As a Christian I wonder if it is God’s will, or, is it a matter of what will be will be. Yes, I do have bad days I get back on track with the support and kindness of my daughter, Anthony, my neighbours and some people from my church. As my grandmother would always say “just do the right thing”, you will know when you have done right, because right will always come to you. By Dorothy Maude .
Dorothy Maude My Life
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My name is Dorothy and I want to share with the world my trial and tribulations from St. Helena to where I now reside in England.My Photos
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