Yes, I fully agree psychological trauma leaves me struggling with upsetting emotions, bad memories and anxiety that won’t go away. People tell me to forget it move on, some even say I am over sensitive. Try walking in my shoes. Abandonment, physical, emotional, sexual abuse and rejection has followed me through out my entire life. Most of the people dishing out abuse to me is my family.MY auntie and grandfather destroy 14 years of my life. Evelyn and Johnny Corker really were the foster parents from hell, she mentally abused me while her husband physically and sexually abused me. They really were the worst four years of my life. Although life was hard out at Deadwood I had always considered it to my home, besides I had my grandmother looking after me. At the foster home I was out of my depth and mind too. Every morning around 5.o clock Johnny Corker was in my room, grabbing my hair ripping the bed clothes and biting my face. I can still smell his odour and feel his rough hands grabbing me under the blanket when I dream about him. I could hardly breath as he pressed his 6ft 20 stone body on mine. I was relieved when his wife shouted down stairs “what’s going on” he told her that I smacked him around the face, she believed him. It was pointless telling her what he was doing to me. He would sit and hold her hand and act the loving husband whenever she was around. Behind her back his vile sexual behaviour would start, chasing and grabbing me. They were unaware that I was concealing a pregnancy. I was around 19 years old when I gave birth to a tiny 4lb baby girl. The corkers were good with the baby. I was ashamed having an illegitimate child. I certainly was not going to marry her depraved father. The sight of him raping his special needs sister is a vision that stays with me. I could feel my life slipping away Things changed for the best when Johnny Corker died suddenly from cardiac arrest. His wife was out at the time, I knew he had died .I stepped over him and ran out of the house as fast as I could. I still had my foster mum to deal with, and she continued her mental abuse, but it was pure freedom for me with Johnny gone. I endured 4 years of his sexual, physical and mental abuse. He would even attack me when I was holding the baby I can see him now walking up to her cot and saying to her “you will be a slut like your mum one day.” I worked as a mothers help for a dentist at weekends, I was also a cleaner for a doctor and his wife. Their son came to St Helena for a holiday in April 1979, he was around the same age as me. He was a lot friendlier then he looked, he had a good sense of humour and bought much needed laughter into my life. Robert was so far from home and I’m sure he was missing his family and friends in England. His step mother wasn’t very nice to him and before long he was crying on my shoulder. we became inseparable. Just five weeks after meeting he ask me to marry him, I giggled and said” but I don’t know you” to which he replied you will get to know me once we are married. His parents were alright about it as I’d known them for five years. On the 26th May 1979 we were married in the little Baptist church in James town by Father Longstaff. We had a sit down meal at the consulate hotel. We left St Helena a few months later. I was literally sailing into the unknown, I had married a man I had known for four weeks, but my marriage vows were sacred and I was taking them seriously. Robert’s mum put us up until we could afford to buy a house of our own. Our daughter Georgina was born in 1980, Robert’s mum was over the moon with the new baby. She adored both my daughters and they in turn loved her. We moved into our new house two years later, I was 25 years old and it was the first time in my life I’d had my own home. I stood outside my front door and very slowly unlocked it and thought to myself this is my home I am going to be happy.